I was struck by the way we respond to conflict is a case study in deferred gratification.  Cases involving money permit more objectivity; interpersonal conflicts are much more difficult to maintain perspective.  An emotionally charged situation offers two options – the angry and the thoughtful. 

The angry is the immediately satisfying, typically aggressive and hurtful approach.  It feels good in the moment, defending yourself from attack by attacking your tormentor. 

The thoughtful takes a higher level view, noticing that the conflict of the moment plays a small role in the big picture.  Satisfying immediate urges for retribution or “justice” may prevent a future happiness.  This is, at its core, an exercise in deferred gratification.  The thoughtful doesn’t require us to “roll over and take it”, rather to use the conflict constructively to further our goals.

This advice is easy to preach but often difficult to practice.  In the heat of the moment, keeping a clear head can be near impossible, depending on how emotionally charged the situation is.  However, the deferred rewards – not having to apologize afterwards, and remaining on track to reach your goals is worth the effort.