Tag Archives: Negotiation

I was struck by the way we respond to conflict is a case study in deferred gratification.  Cases involving money permit more objectivity; interpersonal conflicts are much more difficult to maintain perspective.  An emotionally charged situation offers two options – the angry and the thoughtful. 

The angry is the immediately satisfying, typically aggressive and hurtful approach.  It feels good in the moment, defending yourself from attack by attacking your tormentor. 

The thoughtful takes a higher level view, noticing that the conflict of the moment plays a small role in the big picture.  Satisfying immediate urges for retribution or “justice” may prevent a future happiness.  This is, at its core, an exercise in deferred gratification.  The thoughtful doesn’t require us to “roll over and take it”, rather to use the conflict constructively to further our goals.

This advice is easy to preach but often difficult to practice.  In the heat of the moment, keeping a clear head can be near impossible, depending on how emotionally charged the situation is.  However, the deferred rewards – not having to apologize afterwards, and remaining on track to reach your goals is worth the effort.

Establishing a consistent core set of principles from which your actions flow is the single most important thing you can do to drive clarity of intent and action across all phases of professional and personal life.

Clear articulation of principles is most valuable in ambiguous and new situations, providing a starting point from which to respond.  It also has the value of being consistent with your prior set of actions, making it more readily processed by your stakeholders.

This applies to:

  • Organizational: This is the core strength of an explicit principled approach, especially for organizations and initiatives that span multiple functional or management groups.  It drives internal alignment, agility and the ability to speak with one voice.
  • Professional: This is the core of your Personal Brand and should never be compromised.  It drives signal consistency and is the foundation of your message when interviewing for jobs.
  • Personal:  This is often the hardest to define.  Personal principles are typically so polished by years of experience and nuance that they are hard to distinguish.  However, it can be an enlightening exercise to explore your core principles and what they imply.  I like StrengthsFinder, amongst the host of self-help systems.